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View Full Version : smacking...... tonight on telly



bugsy
09-21-2006, 02:23 PM
is it this evening, or have I missed it somewhere....dont forget to watch!

sybylyfyrysms
09-21-2006, 02:29 PM
i'll guess you're pro-.

bugsy
09-21-2006, 03:07 PM
old fashioned me!

The Relic
09-21-2006, 03:11 PM
During my childhood I was regularly hit, very often with "the boiler stick", a broom handle bleached white by being used to prod the washing in a gas boiler. It didn't make me behave any better, but made me resentful and caused me to despise my parents all the more.

My son loses time from the hour a day he's allowed to play computer games for bad behaviour, and gets special treats when we think he has done something particularly helpful, has been particularly pleasant or we hear good things about him from school. He rarely loses computer time, and we regularly hear from others what good company he is. He has never been subjected to the brutality of hitting.

Draw from this what you will.

sybylyfyrysms
09-21-2006, 03:42 PM
hit me Relic, one more time.

bugsy
09-21-2006, 03:50 PM
most kids dont need it, but many do.
I was hit as a child when I neded it and it has not affected me in any way.Infact, I realized the benefits of it today. It has kept me mostly on the straight and narrow.

sybylyfyrysms
09-21-2006, 05:16 PM
...it has not affected me in any way.Infact, I realized the benefits of it maybe it knocked the sense out of you.

Bruv
09-21-2006, 05:54 PM
But Relic it created the person you are now ?

Would you have wished for something different ?

The Relic
09-21-2006, 09:11 PM
But Relic it created the person you are now ?

Would you have wished for something different ?

The person I am now has nothing to do with the deeply depressed teenager who left home at sixteen. It has everything to do with my luck in marriages, friendships and work, music, good books, university, travel, the love of pets and latterly children.

Bruv
09-21-2006, 10:11 PM
With all due respect Relic......
The person I am now has nothing to do with the deeply depressed teenager who left home at sixteen

Who was that teenager ?
How can you make such a statement ?
I know what you think you are trying to say.....but your life has developed because of who you are, and with the negative lessons you learned......unless of course you have had a brain graft.

Sid
09-21-2006, 10:26 PM
most kids dont need it, but many do.
I was hit as a child when I neded it and it has not affected me in any way.No effect whatsoever? You've posted many topics and thoughts of yours that all point to a degree of paranoia. You see the worst possible scenario in every situation, and in your guise as Had once made the confession on the phobia thread to being scared of the dark.
I think if we had a pschologist kind of person on this board we'd see that it affected you more than you know, the beatings you recieved as a kid, and God knows what else.
By this I mean mental cruelty. There are some that say this is worse!
It has kept me mostly on the straight and narrow.
This is the best I've ever read.
Taking this one step further there's an implication that if you hadn't been beaten as a child you would have been worse than you are today.
The word mostly implies that you haven't quite managed to keep on the straight and narrow, but if you hadn't been beaten you would have been even worse.

Oh, Mum, Dad, thanks for the beating!

Sid
09-21-2006, 10:28 PM
With all due respect Relic......
The person I am now has nothing to do with the deeply depressed teenager who left home at sixteen

Who was that teenager ?
How can you make such a statement ?
I know what you think you are trying to say.....but your life has developed because of who you are, and with the negative lessons you learned......unless of course you have had a brain graft.
So you were beaten as a kid as well?

Bruv
09-21-2006, 10:46 PM
I was brought up with the threat of the "copper stick" or wait til your father gets home (Ours was an electric boiler )

But I can only remember ever being beaten once at school with a plimpsoll across the buttocks....dont remember what for though.
I can remember being told if I came home late one time I would be in trouble.....my elder brothers who I had to leave to get home in time told me teasingly would get the Belt...the ultimate punishment.I can never ever remember it being used though on myself or my horrible bigger brothers....the threat was enough. I do recall on that particular night being told to wait in the kitchen all alone awaiting the consequence of my late arrival.That waiting did the trick for me......Iv been a nice guy ever since.

If anyone saw the program the people were a little extreme....slapping being the first action after a raised voice.....the program might have been more representative if it had shown the majority of parents that do slap but under controlled conditions, and as the very last resort.

The Relic
09-22-2006, 12:50 AM
With all due respect Relic......
The person I am now has nothing to do with the deeply depressed teenager who left home at sixteen

Who was that teenager ?
How can you make such a statement ?
I know what you think you are trying to say.....but your life has developed because of who you are, and with the negative lessons you learned......unless of course you have had a brain graft.

Nope. Without getting too deeply into the psychological technicalities, what I went through as a child - beatings by both parents and beatings and worse from a vicious adopted brother, being sent to boarding school and numerous other things - only led to a destruction of ego. By the time I left home I was pretty much a clean slate, except that I was clinging to the music I'd discovered as a child all by myself, and for which I seemed to have some talent.

Had I not been in such a state I would simply have repeated the cycle of my upbringing, become a hitter, lacked aspiration in education and work and so on, but instead I turned to other models. I wasn't rejecting or reacting against my past through my behaviour. It had just become irrelevant. Heck my parents had become irrelevant. I'm more different from them than you could possibly imagine.

I remember two lives: a hateful turbulent one up till the time I left home, a life which seems to belong to another person, and what came after, which was all about making a new one.

Bruv
09-22-2006, 01:21 AM
I am sure you feel like it is in a different world....another time.....but it is after all just a continuation of the same life...that you owe to your parents ......by the way.

Your life maybe a play of two acts ....but they are both interconnected....and relevent to each other..........you say....
I wasn't rejecting or reacting against my past through my behaviour. It had just become irrelevant. Heck my parents had become irrelevant. I'm more different from them than you could possibly imagine.

I dont think that is possible.....you learnt by a negative example.
If you had not had the "hateful turbulant one"....would your present life seem so ideal.....if ideal exists.
We are all a product of our upbringing...whatever slant you put on it. Some people sink ....some rise....not because of their upbringing but despite it......but it is always a reaction......how can the moulding formative years not have some affect on our life.....for good or bad...endorsing it....or rejecting it.

Happytalk
09-22-2006, 08:48 AM
I am sure you feel like it is in a different world....another time.....but it is after all just a continuation of the same life...that you owe to your parents ......by the way.

Your life maybe a play of two acts ....but they are both interconnected....and relevent to each other..........you say....
I wasn't rejecting or reacting against my past through my behaviour. It had just become irrelevant. Heck my parents had become irrelevant. I'm more different from them than you could possibly imagine.

I dont think that is possible.....you learnt by a negative example.
If you had not had the "hateful turbulant one"....would your present life seem so ideal.....if ideal exists.
We are all a product of our upbringing...whatever slant you put on it. Some people sink ....some rise....not because of their upbringing but despite it......but it is always a reaction......how can the moulding formative years not have some affect on our life.....for good or bad...endorsing it....or rejecting it.
Yes I agree. Take the acoholic parent. The child can grow up by emulating the behaviour they see or they can grow up by completely rejecting that way of life as they see it as self destructive and weak. The same with drugs, religion, etc.

I think that in your case Relic, you completely rejected your parents and refused to succumb to their way of life (violence) and that rejection and refusal has led you to become the person you are. Some people are who they are because of their parents but some are who they are in spite of their parents. As Bruv said, some people rise above it and some people sink into it. But to say that parents have no influence whatsoever on their childrens life is wrong, IMO.

sybylyfyrysms
09-22-2006, 10:57 AM
i kinda agree with what Bruv is getting at.

my messed up and hectic childhood (i've mentioned elsewhere around here) stemmed from mum's craziness. i inherited a slice of what she had, but i'm taking it in another direction. -- luckily, my long-suffering (now blissful) daddy is the gentlest creature on earth.

mum wasn't violent, just extremely clutching and confused and desperate and lonely. she held as tight as she could, suffocated me with 'love'. later i had to learn to breathe properly. on smacking.....things came to a head: mum and i were both losing it, my body violently rejecting the madness she was trying to share with me.....and she smacked me hard. and i smacked her back...tiny me knocked her across the room. that was the only smack.

i found some self-control in that terrible moment. but things were just getting started. soon i was running away from home. and somewhere between control and abandon, i was sexually toyed with (abused, if you like) and later raped. i always felt i was just as responsible as those that 'took advantage' of me. no, i don't feel guilty about it, that's not it. but i don't feel a need to blame them either. i feel fine with it. and many people have a problem with me for that, like i'm letting them down. i'm not saying it makes what they did 'right' or ok. but you know, things happen to you. and i believe there are reasons. and whatever happens is a part of you. i embrace it. valuable stuff.

i'm already far away from all that. ok, i'm now 23 and hopefully there's a lot more adventure to come. but i feel that abrupt change something like Relic made. and i also feel there's a continuity too.

skinny
09-22-2006, 12:06 PM
[QUOTE=The Relic]Had I not been in such a state I would simply have repeated the cycle of my upbringing, become a hitter, QUOTE]


I think that's a pretty bold statement, it seems like a sweeping one?

skinny
09-22-2006, 12:08 PM
i kinda agree with what Bruv is getting at.

my messed up and hectic childhood (i've mentioned elsewhere around here) stemmed from mum's craziness. i inherited a slice of what she had, but i'm taking it in another direction. -- luckily, my long-suffering (now blissful) daddy is the gentlest creature on earth.

mum wasn't violent, just extremely clutching and confused and desperate and lonely. she held as tight as she could, suffocated me with 'love'. later i had to learn to breathe properly. on smacking.....things came to a head: mum and i were both losing it, my body violently rejecting the madness she was trying to share with me.....and she smacked me hard. and i smacked her back...tiny me knocked her across the room. that was the only smack.

i found some self-control in that terrible moment. but things were just getting started. soon i was running away from home. and somewhere between control and abandon, i was sexually toyed with (abused, if you like) and later raped. i always felt i was just as responsible as those that 'took advantage' of me. no, i don't feel guilty about it, that's not it. but i don't feel a need to blame them either. i feel fine with it. and many people have a problem with me for that, like i'm letting them down. i'm not saying it makes what they did 'right' or ok. but you know, things happen to you. and i believe there are reasons. and whatever happens is a part of you. i embrace it. valuable stuff.

i'm already far away from all that. ok, i'm now 23 and hopefully there's a lot more adventure to come. but i feel that abrupt change something like Relic made. and i also feel there's a continuity too.



Can't wait for the 'ologists to get hold of that lot?


Edit: Syb, i suspect some of your remarks are aimed at me, well i'm not going down that road again because it seems it is a one way street.

Sid
09-22-2006, 12:13 PM
Can't wait for the 'ologists to get hold of that lot?
I was thinking Jeez, I've had a cushy life!

Bruv
09-22-2006, 01:34 PM
I want to give Syb a big cuddle.An appropriate hug....nothing more of course.
You talk of your mother in the past tense....is she late?

We are all a product of our past....I had a pretty normal upbringing....in comparison.But there are always parts of our history that haunt, echoing down the years.My parents were far too british....lacked any show of emotion.....and that was due to their upbringing.....I am ashamed to say I have inherited that too.

Is this topic is getting like therapy session ?

sybylyfyrysms
09-22-2006, 02:18 PM
Syb, i suspect some of your remarks are aimed at me, well i'm not going down that road again because it seems it is a one way street.
feeling paranoid today skin? no, i was totally elsewhere. just going my own way round spaghetti junction. haha.

Bruv: yep, mum's late, rest her soul. -- well, this is cosy. is the war over?

skinny
09-22-2006, 02:20 PM
war?

Bruv
09-22-2006, 02:56 PM
Have we ever been at war Syb ?

Exactly Skinny what war ?

skinny
09-22-2006, 03:02 PM
[QUOTE=sybylyfyrysms]feeling paranoid today skin? QUOTE]


Straight back at ye?

sybylyfyrysms
09-22-2006, 03:05 PM
ever not been?
come on flowers, i need some captives for sacrificial spanking.

Bruv
09-22-2006, 04:19 PM
I think you see our masculine posturing as aggression Syb....its not really ....just our trying to look good amongst the rest of the lads.

You know what we are like.........Spanking ?......... Only as part of a loving relationship

ahwell
09-22-2006, 07:47 PM
[QUOTE=The Relic]During my childhood I was regularly hit, very often with "the boiler stick", a broom handle bleached white by being used to prod the washing in a gas boiler.

I remeber them well we used to call the boiler a copper and that was a copper stick. By the sound of it relic you didnt endure a smack but a beating.

sybylyfyrysms
09-23-2006, 09:50 AM
war?

Have we ever been at war Syb ?
one man's peace is another woman's war.

What in the world is going on in here? I leave the forum for a few days, and it turns into an insult fest. I wonder if I should crawl under the table and hide, now. Life's to short. Try not to get angry with one another. If we don't have each other as human beings, what else do we have? ...

skinny
09-23-2006, 09:54 AM
nice bodyswerve? you would have got a wtf rep point for that but alass, i can't give?



Edit:
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to sybylyfyrysms again.

sybylyfyrysms
09-23-2006, 10:00 AM
nice bodyswerve? one man's bodyswerve is this woman's bull's-eye.

Bruv
09-23-2006, 06:22 PM
Is there more going on here than I know about?

Or as normal....is it going right over my head ?

sybylyfyrysms
09-24-2006, 10:58 AM
both

Happytalk
09-24-2006, 01:57 PM
Is there more going on here than I know about?

Or as normal....is it going right over my head ?
I thought it was just me - there does seem to be a lot of 'in' jokes that are very hard to decipher on here!

Bruv
09-24-2006, 04:39 PM
You and me shall have to start one of our own Happy......

Happytalk
09-24-2006, 04:49 PM
You and me shall have to start one of our own Happy......
The fishes swim in blue skies in siberia and the cake is in the coffin ready for its bath.

Bruv
09-24-2006, 10:07 PM
:hmmm:

Comprehension soars in the crispness of the Alpine dawn......Over me head again.....Maybe Im not cut out for this stuff

Unregistered
09-25-2006, 09:23 AM
The fishes swim in blue skies in siberia and the cake is in the coffin ready for its bath.
exactly. like an 80's meatpacker. sho' 'nuff. but who's on first?

sybylyfyrysms
09-25-2006, 09:28 AM
exactly. like an 80's meatpacker. sho' 'nuff. but who's on first?
who unregistered me?

Sid
09-25-2006, 09:55 AM
who unregistered me?
I had to go and find my password from my saved mail as well. Must be something to do with the upgrade.

Bruv
09-25-2006, 10:15 PM
Who unregistered me ?

Another cryptic post from Syb ?