Welcome to the humor section!

**Will** · 05-08-2006, 01:47 PM

At member's request, we now have a humor section, may many a dancing banana be posted here!

Sid · 05-08-2006, 03:00 PM

Let me go first. I hope none of you have heard this one because I think it's one of the best.

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.

"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.

Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FU****G DISHES"

skinny · 05-08-2006, 03:07 PM

Four golfers are putting out on the eighteenth green.

The last man goes to put and is interrupted by a funeral procession passing by on a nearby road. The man stops his put and puts his putter down , takes off his cap and puts it to his heart and bows his head. On seeing this one of the other golfers comments ....after the funeral passes....that he is touched by the other golfers respect for the funeral.

The other golfer replies "well we were married for 35 years"

sybylyfyrysms · 05-08-2006, 10:34 PM

what would Freud say?

skinny · 05-08-2006, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sybylyfyrysms

what would Freud say?

I don't know you tell me....

here's another ...a bit sick and belated!!

Gene Pitney's funeral director said "it's going to take three weeks to make his coffin out of solid oak ."

"but only 24 hours from balsa"?

ASK ONE OF THE OLDIES IF YOU DIDN'T GET IT!

sybylyfyrysms · 05-09-2006, 01:17 AM

this is my one and only favourite joke.

what do you call a fly with no wings?

Sid · 05-09-2006, 09:05 PM

A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car she goes every where in it.

One day she picks up her kids from school, she's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor " Where is my son he was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham?"

The doctor replies "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he wont be able to kick a football any more."

The woman asks about her daughter "Doctor where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon"

The doctor says "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she
wont be able to pick up a racket any more" She begins to cry.

"Doctor" asks the woman, "How long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, " 6 months". "So what's the date?" asks the woman

"April 1st" says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then were you?"

Doctor: "YES.........they both died in impact"