Jokes

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:20 PM

A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in.
When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over.
The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!"

The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:21 PM

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre".

So the bartender gave her one.

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:24 PM

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer.............................................. .................and some of those peanuts."

The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:25 PM

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer, and a mop."

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:27 PM

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:28 PM

A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind."
The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself.
He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?"

The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

Bruv · 12-09-2006, 11:29 PM

A polar bear, a giraffe and a penguin walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

Thats all folks......

Sweetpea · 12-10-2006, 08:00 AM

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left him!!!

Bruv · 12-10-2006, 11:34 PM

My dogs got no nose.....

"How does he smell ?"

Bloody horrible......

Christmas cracker humour.....

Sweetpea · 12-11-2006, 03:33 PM

The old ones are the best, so they say....................